All your choices
by holycitygirl
Summary: Slash (DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE BOY-BOY RELATIONSHIPS).
1. All your choices

**Title:** All your choices  
  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own these boys. I would make good use of them though if I did.   
  
**Credit:** Billy Joel's- **Don't Ask me Why**  
  
**Summary:** In this fic Ryan and Seth have an established relationship that no one knows about. They also have their canon relationships that we all unfortunately know about. With all the love triangles going around what will become of Ryan and Seth? (Takes place at the Rooney show.)   
  
**A/N:** I left this open for more chapters. (that is why nothing gets resolved) If you like- tell me and maybe I will be motivated to make this my first OC series. As usual please forgive any mistakes.   
  
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The sounds of bass and electric guitar resounded through brick and steel. Ryan Atwood leaned against the heavy door of the club's back exit. He made a silent list of all the decisions that he or others had made to get him here. The clean, crisp California air was a welcome respite after the smoky confines of the random bar. Ryan hated crowds.   
  
He was out here now listening to muffled rock because Marissa had told him he could leave. The relief that he had felt at that statement of release was temporary. It did little to lighten the dark mood that had plagued him for the last few days. He could think of nothing that would. Sighing, he pushed himself off the door and began walking toward the parking lot.   
  
"Where are you going?" a warm and familiar voice called from behind.   
  
Leave it to Seth to follow him. It would work out that way. His girlfriend told him to take a hike and his - _whatever the hell Seth was_ - chases him down. "Shouldn't you be with Anna? Or Summer? Or in this case Anna AND Summer?" His voice held more venom than was intended or deserved.   
  
Seth looked around, an amusing confusion painted on kind features. Turning around in a full circle he stopped when he was once again face to face with Ryan. "Dude what did I do?"  
  
Ryan slowly massaged his left shoulder with his right hand. He tried to force himself to relax but his head continued to throb. "Nothing. I'm just tired of everyone I care about - caring about - so many people."  
  
Seth's eyes rounded melodramatically. "Oh yes - cause you dude - you are a one woman man. Or are you a one man man? I'm still not too clear on that." Sticking his hands in his back pockets Seth began to close the distance between them. "Because you seem pretty enamored of Marissa at the moment but last night..." Seth stopped a hair's breath away from broody countenance. "Well let's just say if you were faking - Meg Ryan has got nothing on you."  
  
Ryan blushed. Seth's bravado, which he usually encouraged, this time only pissed him off more. "Well at least I've limited myself to one of each. You and Marissa just keep picking up stragglers along the way."   
  
Seth shrugged. "Well I won't speak for Marissa, cause although we do share the same taste in music and men, -_don't know what the heck she is thinking_. But you know if my case, maybe if we weren't _the stuff of shame and secrets_ I wouldn't be wasting my time with the fairer sex."  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes and gave up on his shoulder. The tension was not going anywhere if they had to have this conversation again. Sometimes Seth seemed to think "coming out" was easy, like it came with a cool wardrobe and your own T.V show. Stepping back he glanced to the left. He couldn't look at Seth while he intentionally picked a fight. "Yeah well Seth, I know your parents are rich but I think the tire bills would get annoying."  
  
Predictably Seth sighed. Any reminder of Luke's Big Gay Dad crushed his spirit.   
  
Ryan took in the look of hopelessness and suddenly felt like something you would scrape off a shoe. He really had no right to take out his Marissa anger on Seth. Seth might take the shit but he didn't deserve it. Seth had been trying to spend time with him for days, not getting rid of him the first chance he got.   
  
"Whatever," Seth continued. He must have sensed Ryan's guilt. Or maybe he didn't and it was just Seth's stubborn refusal to give up. "So back to my original question - why with the sudden exit stage left? Or is this the right side of the building. You know I was never really good with spacial..."  
  
"I wasn't feeling very well." Ryan lied to stop the ramble. Seth sentences had a way of swirling around forever like water down a semi-clogged drain.   
  
Seth looked less than convinced. "One too many Mt. Dews? Yeah, caffeine is a bitch. I had like six once in an hour and a half. It was my Bar Mitzvah actually. No lingering side effects but while I was under the influence I got really chatty."  
  
The laugh was unexpected. Ryan felt it rumble up from somewhere down deep. It overwhelmed him making him forget momentarily the claustrophobia of the club.   
  
"What?" Seth asked indignant.   
  
Checking to make sure they were still alone, Ryan stepped into the personal space of his curly headed friend. He placed one hand under the ugly 80's jacket and the other against the hideous 80's tie. "You? Can be more chatty? That I gotta see."  
  
Seth smacked Ryan's hand away from the tie and placed his hands on Ryan's hips. "I thought you liked it better when my mouth was shut."  
  
Ryan cut his eyes. "I like it when you are quiet _-sometimes_- but I have no complaints with anything you do with your open mouth."  
  
Seth blushed this time.   
  
Ryan took the opportunity to go in for a kiss. He kissed Seth deeply until both of their bodies felt the heat all the way to their toes. Reaching into Seth's pocket he caressed hardening body briefly. He broke away when Seth moaned bringing the car keys with him. This was not the time or place.   
  
"Hey!" Seth whined.   
  
Ryan smiled. He knew at some point this would have to stop. But tonight he didn't have the energy. "Can you and Anna get a ride home with Summer?"  
  
Seth nodded sadly. "What about Marissa?"  
  
Ryan knew that Marissa would get a ride home with Oliver. And for the first time tonight he didn't care. Ryan reached up to cup Seth's face in his palm. Tilting his head to the side he licked his lips watching as Seth mimicked the gesture. He leaned in letting his nose tickle the side of Seth's face. Laughing he whispered "Maybe she can get a ride with the band."   
  
As Ryan walked away from the music and the moment, he couldn't help but think they lived in a world full of beautiful choices. It was no wonder they couldn't make up their minds. He hoped in the end they would all make the right decisions.

  



	2. Victim of Desire

Title: Victim of Desire  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own these boys. I would make good use of them though if I did.   
  
Credit: Billy Joel's- Don't Ask me Why (Titles taken from the lyrics)  
  
Summary: In this fic Ryan and Seth have an established relationship that no one knows about. They also have their canon relationships that we all unfortunately know about. With all the love triangles going around what will become of Ryan and Seth?  
  
A/N: New chapter --Seth's POV. Ryan is out of sight -but is he out of mind?  
  
  
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Seth Cohen tapped his foot to the beat and tried hard not to bob his head. Life was hard enough, without ruining what little rep he had by dancing. Ryan might have left but Anna was still here. She'd probably seen every move he had - but what was to be humored in private was often times shunned in public. Seth had learned that lesson many times over.   
  
"Chick, isn't the drummer totally hot?" Summer asked Anna excitedly.  
  
"What?" Anna shouted above the music.   
  
Summer linked her arm through Anna's and leaned over to shout. "I SAID..."  
  
Seth stopped listening. He tried to focus on the lyrics, the L.V.'s bitchin guitar, the drummer's indeed hotness. But his eyes kept drifting to the left -where Marissa danced as if no one were watching. Oliver stood beside her, every now and then placing his hand on the small of her back and whispering something in her ear.   
  
Seth knew that it shouldn't upset him. If anything he should be tickled pink. He didn't want Marissa with Ryan. In truth, seeing their union made him feel ill. It made him feel like someone had stolen his favorite mint condition comic and rolled it up and shoved it in their back pocket. But if Seth were being fair (which was totally overrated) that wasn't the case. If playground rules were in effect - Marissa _had_ seen Ryan first.   
  
_But he digressed..._  
  
Seeing Marissa "flirt" with Oliver made him angry. It made him angry because it was just wrong. She was already a part of "Marissa and Ryan". A mere four months into the school year and they were a super couple. Seth had no doubt they would be featured in numerous yearbook pics. He knew he would be lucky if his arm snuck in a couple. Or perhaps (and more like) a wayward curl might mar a corner edge. He'd never be in focus. How dare Marissa throw that away? If it were Seth and Ryan, in living color, his two timing (or was it three timing) days would be over.   
  
"Earth to Cohen" Summer snapped, beautifully manicured hand waving in his face. "Come in Cohen".  
  
"Huh? What? His hair is too curly." Seth tried to cover for his lack paying attention. He pulled his eyes away from where Marissa was now wildly clapping. But not before he saw Oliver see the midriff her enthusiam exposed.   
  
"What?" Anna questioned confused. Then changed her expression to alarmed when she caught on that he was talking about the drummer.   
  
"Go get us more Dews please" Summer ordered oblivious.   
  
Seth sighed. He rewed the day Summer and Anna became so chummy. It seemed like more and more they were attached at the hip. How had that happened again? Why? If he didn't know better he'd think he wasn't the only one hiding something. Shaking his head he chalked that dream off to wishful thinking. This wasn't Queer as Folk or some Smallville fanfiction where anyone and everyone was gay. He may be and Ryan was --but hell even they didn't do a very good job of it.   
  
"Three Mountain Dews please" Seth shouted once he reached the bar. The bartender rolled his eyes and stalked off to the other end of the bar. Seth ignored him good naturely. The guy would probably make shit tips tonight no matter how many times Robert Carmine reminded the teens to tip their Waitstaff.   
  
"Hey!" Anna said, poking him in the side to get his attention. "Need any help?"  
  
He needed plenty of help. More than she could offer, so he nodded in the negative.   
  
"So when are you going to tell the big secret?" She asked leaning her head on his arm and fluttered her eyelashes in what he assumed was supposed to be endearing.   
  
The bartender returned with the tall green drinks. Seth needed to get Ryan to send away for fake ID's from Chino. A stiff drink would do him good right about now.   
  
"What secret?" he squeaked defensively.  
  
Anna raised her eyebrow again. "You know...the one about you and.."  
  
"Hey where did Ryan go?" Luke shouted unneccesarily, coming up beside the couple.   
  
"He left." Seth explained in an equally comical loud voice.   
  
"What? Man why would he do that? I'm having a great time." Luke threw his hands in the air flashing the rock love.  
  
Well I'm glad someone is, Seth thought. He had really thought tonight would be fun. Rooney wasn't his favorite band but it beat another night of stupid video games. _Oh God, did he just think that?_ These women were poisoning his mind.   
  
An hour later the show was over and the gang was all lined up outside discussing the car situation. Summer decided to ride home with Luke, Marissa and Oliver.   
  
Anna slammed the door behind her and stared out the window. "So I guess it is just you and me "Cohen", not that anyone could tell."  
  
Seth knew he deserved her anger. He had told her he would fess up tonight. Was it really her fault that their secret wasn't the one he wanted to tell? "Anna I'm sorry."  
  
Turning in her seat as he started the car Anna began to interogate. "Why won't you tell them? Why won't you tell her? Does Ryan at least know?"   
  
Well yeah of course... "Anna"  
  
"Tell me the truth Seth." Anna demanded. "You still want Summer. That is why you can't tell her about us. In your heart, you just can't give up the fantasy."  
  
Seth didn't know what to say. In his heart he did want someone else. And while he really liked Anna, thought she was better than Double Stuffed Oreos and the sun cresting over the Pacific, she wasn't his heart's desire. "It's not that. I...I...Anna I don't want to hurt anyone."  
  
Anna frowned but remained silent. It was a silence that lasted until Seth pulled up in front of the large no where near modest establishment Anna begrudgingly called home.   
  
Seth watched as she reached for the door, but only spoke when it was apprarent she wasn't going to. "Anna wait."  
  
"No Seth. I won't wait." Turning around she climbed down from the car. "You go home and make up your mind. Maybe I'll still be here when you decide." Slamming the door, she walked away dejected.  
  
Leaning his head against the steering wheel, Seth felt his heart **actually** ache. It was a melandramtic way to feel. Why did everyone walk away from him? Starting the car up he pulled out of the driveway feeling like he'd been to war instead of a rock show.  
  
He was lost in a sea of choices, a victim of desire.


End file.
